So I am officially a slacker extraordinaire! Its been almost 2 months, but I must say that due to the lack of response from my last blog, I have not felt quite the motivation needed to write another. Also, I blew up my computer cord so I can’t just pound it out when I am at home or at the hotel in town and using the internet is expensive and not really that much fun in town with all of the horrible music, crazy distractions and strong desire to just go and take a shower.
Ok enough explaining myself! I only have 10 minutes to write this blog so it is going to be grammatically horrible and very short, but all in all I am still alive!
In the past few months I have been on the usual whirlwind adventure. From digging up 30 liters of peanuts with Mama Witi and crew, to adopting a cat that I have actually kept, to having a Dad’s Iron Chef to talk about work roles in the family, from going to a community theater seminar followed by a brief stint on the beach and then a workshop to learn how I can best serve as a listening ear for my fellow PCVs. I also sang in the health club entertainers group for the “Children of Africa Day” and freaked out all of the villagers! Phew, its been crazy, but awesome. I am starting to grow in new and cool ways, but at the same time I feel let down because in the end when it all comes to, no matter how much I feel that I am part of the people, I am truly becoming Mbena, some crazy thing happens to slap my right back to reality…I am still just the white girl from American who does get to go home and walk away from all of this, this is only my life right now, this is not the life that I know I will wake up every day and be living. It’s so difficult o feel like you are really becoming one with everyone, that you truly are starting to get it, when you feel offended by other white people and their horrible comments, when the oldest woman in the village comes up to you to tell you that you are no longer a white person that you are now a member of their tribe, and then the minute you take yourself out of the context and get to the big city and mix in with the people who really are Tanzanians (and don’t have to try) they only see you for what you are…white/money/really stupid to be here in the first place.
I understand that the whole purpose of this “adventure” is not to become a Tanzania, but relating to the people that I live with and understanding everything I possibly can about how they live is just how I do. There is no other way in my mind and it’s incredibly difficult to get out of that context and then back into it…
Okay 2 more minutes and I’ll just end with an “ I love you all” and I’m sorry if this blog makes no sense. I promise that at some point in the near future I will give a less “feeling” filled blog and a more “action” filled update of my life!
Until then, PEACE AND LOVE